2010- Year in Review- Part 5

May 2010

May arrived and finally, after 5 long months, I was broken out of the rut I had been in since moving to Wisconsin the first of the year.

One of the many things I struggled with regarding my decision to come to Wisconsin had to do with money.  I had initially typed a big, long narrative about it but decided to scale back in an effort to not disclose too much.  The bottom line is this:  financially it was not a smart decision to move here.  Depending on how I sliced and diced it, considering steps on the pay scale, potential bonus (or not), what I could potentially earn in Ohio, what I was earning here, etc. I was only making about $2000.00 more per year here than I made in Ohio.

Seriously??  $2000.00???  Are you f*cking kidding me?  What-- did I not think to take out a calculator before I said, "Yes, I'll move to Wisconsin"??????

I beat myself up badly over this point, although in hindsight I'm not sure my math was very good.  I may not have been looking at it accurately or fairly considering how messed up my head was at the time.  But, back then, I berated myself every single day in my mind for being so stupid as to take the job and move to Wisconsin.  Oh, sure, people said this was a good move for my personal and professional development.  You may remember in a previous post I wrote that personal and professional development are over-rated. 

One of the things I hated the most about my $2000.00-more-a-year job was being one of two senior directors in the state.  Having 2 people in leadership positions does not lend itself to efficiency or consistency in an organization.  What made it especially difficult was that the other senior director and I differed drastically in our approach, style, methodology, philosophy, practice--- you name it, we differed in it.  It wasn't a good fit for me.  At all.

Then, some sh*t went down in April that carried over into May.  I won't go into detail here, but my counter part stepped down from her position as a result.  The powers-that-be in the company decided to try something new:  1 state director instead of 2 senior directors.  I was approached and asked if I was interested in the state director position.  There would be no more second senior director.  That meant one of the biggest sources of job dissatisfaction would be dissipated.

I'd be the only one at the immediate helm in the state.  Able to do things my way.  Hopefully the right way and in a manner consistent with the organization's mission and philosophy.  Implement my vision for the company.

OK, this is sounding better. 

Oh, and with a new position comes a new pay scale.

Source of job dissatisfaction #1:  gone.  No more second senior director. 

Source of job dissatisfaction #2:  gone.  With the new position I would have a salary increase enough to make it worth having moved here.

I actually felt a twinge of excitement.  I was being presented with a real opportunity here.  A lucky break for me. 

Maybe I'm finally open to and ready for some personal and professional development??

Finally!  A decision.  We're going to do it. We're going to make the full move to Wisconsin and officially become cheeseheads.  I moved out of the state of limbo I had been wallowing in.  Now, on to a different kind of stress:  executing the full move to Wisconsin.  This meant selling a house in Ohio.  Buying a house here.  Coordinating the actual physical move, which included 4 pets.  And in the midst of all that, adjusting to my new position at work.  Whew.  That's a lot to do.  But finally my head was into it.  Finally.  Finally.

A few pictures to share from the month of May:

I hung something on a wall in my office.  Kind of a big step for me.

Perhaps evidence of my decision and commitment to staying in Wisconsin??

I also started a new organizational system at work.

And got my satellite radio set up in my office.

Looks like evidence to me.  While I still felt pangs of anxiety and remorse, it felt good to have finally made a decision.  No more limbo.  Limbo isn't a good place for me.

I had another "sponsored" trip home in May for my Mom's birthday and Mother's Day.  I took the picture below from the deck of our house in Columbus.  I loved the yard there.  Lush.  Mostly private.  I knew when I took that picture it would be one of my last pictures of that yard at that house.

Scott had the place looking good-- getting ready to put it on the market.  The landscaping at that house is outstanding and Scott had done an expert job of manicuring it.

While I was home, Scott got notice in the mail that he was successful in passing all the testing and training components for his CCO:  Certified Crane Operator.  This is no small task.  As you can tell in the picture below, he is quite excited about it.

Is he adorable or what?

Later in May, Scott came to Madison to see me.  It was during that visit that we went to the Farmer's Market for the first time and also to The Dells.  You may remember previous posts about those.  If not, click on the these links to read the posts:  Farmer's Market link;  Dells link.

Also during Scott's visit in May we attended the annual Brat Fest in Madison.  I meant to write a post about it last summer, but never got around to it.  Brat Fest is a famous event around here and supposedly the largest brat fest in the country (maybe the only brat fest in the country??)  I think I remember hearing on the news that over 200,000 brats were served over the festival weekend.  That's a lot of brats.

The Oscar Mayer wiener-mobile showed up for the event.  Seems fitting.

I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have to say about the wiener-mobile?  I have to admit.  I'd kind of like to take a ride in that thing.

There were a lot of people cooking and serving up a lot of brats.  All the people in the yellow t-shirts are volunteers who work at the festival.

I've eaten plenty of brats in my day.  I'm here to tell you that the brats served at Brat Fest were DA BOMB.  OMG.  They were so good.  Moist.  Delicious.  I got sauerkraut on mine.  Well, on one of the two that I ate.  Yes, I admit.  They were so good, I ate 2 of them.  Hey, the festival only happens once a year so I needed to get my fix-- right?

I'm pretty sure brats and beer together are a little slice of heaven.

They had a stage set up for bands.  The band that played while we were there sucked.  Have you ever noticed, though, that no matter how bad a band is, there is always at least one fan/groupie in the crowd?  Hence, the fella in the picture below-- the sucky bands one groupie.

Brats and beer may go together like a hand in glove but, keep in mind, we are in Wisconsin:  America's Dairyland.  You are going to find milk here.  Even at the Brat Fest.  Dean's was at the festival to provide.  Brats and milk?  Ahhh.....no.

Prior to going to the Brat Fest, Scott and I did a little bowling.  In case you didn't already know this about me, I'm highly competitive.  (Big surprise, right?)  When Scott and I engage in recreational sex...I mean sports.... my competitive edge comes out.  Like the time he was bragging about his pool-playing prowess and then I beat him 2 out of 3 games on the tables at Barley's in Columbus.

My competitive edge came out when we went bowling.  Not only did I spank Scott with a score of 130 to 107, I also bowled a turkey (3 strikes in a row).

I even got competitive when it came to ice cream cones.  That's my cone on the right.  Clearly I'm a faster licker.  (I just laughed as I typed that.)

Scott packed up to return to Columbus, I believe it actually was on June 1.  As I have written in previous posts, I was getting so, so, so tired of saying good-bye to my husband.  It hurt my heart to watch him pack up to leave.  Of course, that didn't stop me from questioning him about why he had to pack 5 pairs of jeans for his trip.

This time, even though Scott and I were saying good-bye to each other yet again, there were a couple of good things:

• We had a plan.  We were officially actively working on a plan to merge households and live together once again.
• My friend, Cathy, was coming to visit that same day.  Well, she was coming for work-related reasons but we also had plans to spend time together.  More to come on that in the next post.

We also finally got out of the contract we had put in on the house back in February, so we were free to move on.  And, I was able to extend the lease at my apartment for a month, so I could stay until the end of June and possibly longer if no one else applied to rent the place.  I wasn't sure 30 more days was going to be enough time, but it was 30 more days I had to try to figure it out.  I'll take it.

One day at a time.  Breathe in.  Breathe out. 

It's getting a little bit easier and a little bit better.

On to June........